Every silver lining

Every silver lining has a bloody great cloud

There’s so much to share since my last update… where to start?!

I had an outpouring of love and support from my last newsletter which triggered a couple of responses. First, a big thank you to all of you who got in touch with words of support.  It was actually quite overwhelming, but lovely to know that my blog on the Unexpected Gifts of Depression and update touched something in so many of you.

The other response was one of surprise and mild discomfort for the concern everyone had for me.  I had moved on and was in a great space when I sent the ‘Mega Update‘.  I often write what’s current or challenging for me, in a way that helps me process and move from where I am, to where I want to be.  Being vulnerable is a part of that process.

I used to hate being vulnerable (still do sometimes… oh there I am being vulnerable again!) but I realise that it’s not just me.  Humans are vulnerable. We all have our soft spots!

If you haven’t watched Brene Brown’s brilliant TedTalk on vulnerability I’d highly recommend you do sometime.  She shares a fabulous story about her own extreme dislike of vulnerability, followed by deep insight from her research; one that sent her on a personal quest to know herself as well as to understand humanity.

A large part of being coached is engaging with our vulnerability.  Simply put, this is the truth of our human frailty, imperfection; our experience of pain and suffering.  Once we do this, we can quickly accept and move beyond our limitations and perceived challenges.  Change can happen in a heartbeat when we accept what is, rather than resist or deny it.

We are all vulnerable. We all need help and support from time to time. And we all have our dark night of the soul.  But many of us try and hide our vulnerability and imperfection.  I know I have.

This is why I was so taken with NLP when I first came across it.  It gave me space to feel both safe and vulnerable.  To be human.  It was clearly a powerful framework for creating deep change.  I recognised that it wasn’t just positive thinking or some tool, but a way of enquiry into the truth.  And the more of the truth I saw, the more beautiful and compelling it became.  As they say, the truth will set you free.

On reflection, my ‘Mega Update’ was, in a way, a mirror of a transformational coaching conversation.  You can go to my website to read a short blog I just wrote on The 7 Steps of A Transformational Coaching Conversation if you want.
When I sent out the Mega Update, I had already moved on in my thinking and emotions, but I wanted to share my process.  Why?  Because we all face challenges in life andI know that my pain and suffering can always serve to alleviate others.  So can yours.

It reminds me something Neil Gaiman said… “The moment that you feel, just possibly, you are walking down the street naked, exposing too much of your heart and your mind, and what exists on the inside, showing too much of yourself…That is the moment, you might just be starting to get it right.”

We all experience loss, grief, pain and suffering.  By sharing mine, my hope and invitation was to invite you into your internal world; your own vulnerability.  To accept that at some level there is a barrier to creating what you want in life.  As soon as we do that; as soon as we accept our own short-comings we can begin to move beyond them, rather than ignore or deny them.

These days, I don’t get stuck in my present state anywhere near as long as I used to. I still get stuck (in my thinking) but always find a way out.  How?  Well, these are just some of the strategies I have for profoundly changing my world:

  1. Lean in to my tribe
  2. Get coaching from my world class coach and mentor (thank you Gene!)
  3. Self Coach – we can all do this, anytime, rather than running on auto pilot or staying stuck
  4. Go for a run and ask myself (gratitude and transformational) questions
  5. Feldenkrais – this has been a life changing method for changing my physical experience and therefore mental and emotional state
  6. Meditation – watch this wonderful 2 minute video if you’ve struggled with meditation or want to do it more consistently
  7. Transformational Breathing – another game changer for me!  Check out Wim Hof who I trained with.  We have just begun talking about doing a retreat or workshop using NLP combined with the Wim Hof Method
  8. Re-organise my thinking through chunking and categorisation… and therefore re-organise my life.  Or re-organise my external environment and therefore my thinking and life :)
  9. Get into nature and soften – we are a part of nature and I come back to myself when I’m there
  10. Make an important decision and take action right away
  11. Visualise and feel deeply what my heart wants, until compelled to take action
  12. Stop trying, let go, chill out and wait for my energy and motivation to return

How do you change your state and life?  What are some of your favourite ‘go to’ processes for getting back into flow and creating change?

I’ve shared a truly amazing and inspiring TedTalk below which goes into very real and beautiful detail about the power of sharing our dream (desired state), what’s stopping us from achieving it (present state) and then how community can ALWAYS (and often in very unexpected ways) help us to manifest said dream.

Again, I’d highly recommend you check it out, but more importantly to do the work!  Where are you creating the space and time for YOU to:

  1. Share your dream
  2. Figure out what’s stopping you and then
  3. Get the support to bridge the gap?
My belief is that the Universe is designed to ensure this process, if only we will play our part.

Until next time!Love, Tristan