One thing I know for sure is that life is complex. We are complex. Of course the paradox is that amidst the complexity and confusion there is simplicity in life. But just because it’s simple, doesn’t make it easy.
I sometimes liken it to untying a big knot. At first it can seem overwhelming, hard work or even impossible. As we persevere however, we find a way. We can make make sense of, and unravel the complexities of life, which at first can seem daunting. Ultimately the unravelling bring us great joy.
When you know what you’re doing, you can do what you want. Moshe Feldenkrais
We have strategies for everything we do. When we understand these strategies, we come to know how we’re doing what we’re doing. We can then do more of what we want.
One of the strategies I developed as a kid was having a sense of fearlessness in the face of aggression or violence. I unconsciously modelled that from my dad. He was a violent man.
I learnt to have a fearless sense of adventure and willingness to take risks – some might say to my detriment. I’ve nearly died on several occasions – while skiing, driving, riding motorbikes and even swimming. I’ve set up and run numerous businesses, several of which ‘failed’. I became a risk-taker, a real gift (and skill) I had learnt from my parents. Thank you guys!
One of the many things that NLP coaching has given me is the capacity to understand and model out the strategies that create things like fear or fearlessness. That’s been life changing.
As I look back on my youth, more often than not my subjective truth (or experience) was informed by limiting beliefs and coping strategies set up in my childhood. Along with fearlessness I learnt to be very fearful in certain contexts. Context creates meaning. However, from my very first NLP Practitioner course, through to my Master Trainer certification and beyond, what I’ve consistently done is to challenge and unravel those limiting, unconscious behaviours and beliefs. I’ve needed help along the way.
Untangling a big knot is very difficult, if not impossible to do instantaneously. Over time however, if you pick a little here and a little there, it can become an easy process, even rewarding if we take it (and make it!) easy. This has been my NLP journey.
While I’ve had amazing and instantaneous breakthroughs and life changing experiences; while I’ve come away from courses and NLP coaching sessions with a profoundly different sense of what is possible and how I can make changes in my life – actually over time – many of the changes have happened at an unconscious level; easily, naturally, without having to even think about them or try.
That’s pretty amazing. To think, that the human experience or evolutionary process has been designed to enable progress, learning and change. In a way – less is more! So the big knot has been untied over time with a lot of effort at certain points and much less so and more enjoyably at others. As I look back and see how radically different my life is now, I can begin to understand and truly appreciate that the journey is significantly more important than any destination.
“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.” Steve Jobs
I still have that capacity to slip back into depression or play the victim from time to time. However, I recognise these patterns and address them much sooner than I used to. I now know how I create these states, so I can do something different.
As Robert Dilts said – having multiple options is flexibility and having multiple perspectives is wisdom. This is accessible to all of us.
That’s our knot to untie – in a way to let go of the effort and our way of doing things and wake up to new possibilities, options and perspectives that free us to be fully ourselves; to be who we were born to be.
Most of us are not who we think we are. We are so much more that we could ever imagine. Yet who we think we are dictates our behaviour and how we show up in the world. Behaviour is an expression of identity.
The fullness of who we are stretches far into the past, the present, and our future. It ripples out into eternity without us ever really being able to fathom.
I’m still unravelling and accepting the mystery of who I am. Despite (and perhaps in part because of) the many challenges, it’s a pretty cool journey!
Will you join me on it?
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